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prostitution
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abuse
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porn
share us:
I was 19 when I met Jon, the guy that was the love of my life for over 2 years, or so I thought. Things went well for 4 months, but then he started beating me. I didn't realize it at the time, but Jon had a bad cocaine habit. He'd threaten me with another beating, and sometimes even death, if I didn't go out and sell myself for money, which he used to buy his coke. I did this for about 5 months.
After that, he decided that he wasn't making enough money, so he told me that he had some friends who made adult films, and that I was to start starring in them, and if I didn't, then he'd kill me. He said that no one would notice that I was missing since I didn't have any family where we were, and the people he let me associate with (he was always with me) were all friends of his. They knew that I didn't want to be in porn, but most of them that tried to be nice to me were scared of Jon, too.
I made over 9 adult films. Jon would talk to his friends and force me to make the dirtiest, most perverted films. If a film wasn't hardcore enough, I couldn't be in it. The same thing applied to the men that I slept with. At first, I worked the street, but then Jon found elderly men, or obese men, or just some man that was dirty, and then he'd force me to sleep with him for money. Jon loved to degrade me, and he knew exactly how to do it. He'd even force me to take sedatives and other drugs that he got ahold of, so I'd be "easier" to handle.
I'm free of Jon now, but the pain still lives on. I have nightmares and I'm scared to death that he'll find me. I write this because I need someone to talk to. I have both physical and mental scars from his abuse. I'm scared to be with a man. I feel disgusting and ashamed. Even when I tried to leave me, I'd just get beaten more severely. He's threatened to find me and kill me. He's threatened to kill my parents and sister.
Everyday, I try to forgive myself a little more. During the first few months, I should have seen the warning signs. By the time I knew the true Jon, it was too late. I take comfort in knowing that Jon will pay for what he did; if not in this life, then the next.
other tags:
abuse /
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{confess your sin now} |
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1) This is so terrible. I can't imagine what you went through. You need to seek professional help to cope with the trauma. |
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2) Go to AA it will be great therapy! Start in women only meetings, many have been abused by there partners and can relate! I wish I could help you but unfortunatly I have know way of doing that so get up and take care of yourself! Start recovery NOW, Al
PS list Jons address and I can surley take care of him for you! |
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3) My baby sister went through something like this and rest assured he will forget about you fairly quickly as he will have to find another victim to raise the money for his habit. And yes, you ARE a victim so stop feeling guilty and get some help-support for all the abuse you suffered. There IS hope so don't give up. |
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4) Thats some fucked up shit man, serious |
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